Oh My

Can you believe it?

It makes me wanna sing Jumpin' Jack Flash, even though that (Rolling Stones) song has nothing to do with low gas costs. Still.

Citrus Makes Hearts Fond?

I just read that a citrus scent makes a middle-aged woman appear to be six years younger than she is to a man.

Isn't it more like FIVE years?

Low

How low can it go?

Shuck 'n Jive

When's the last time you used the phrase, "Shuck 'n jive"?

Faux Pas

I've always wanted to use "faux pas" in a sentence (without the accent) and make it sound natural.

Down With Gas

I never thought I'd see the day. You know of any cheaper?

iPod

Is it true that the more songs you load onto your iPod, the heavier it gets?

New Goal

My new goal is not to be low maintenance but no maintenance.

Yours?

First Time

My good friend Alison just asked me:

"When's the last time you did something for the first time?"

Alison is wise. (But why does she speak in italics?)

Your Heart

I'm interested in talking to those who voted "Your heart" on the "Which is harder to open" poll.

Back of Your Head

Whenever professorial types pontificate (boring) with:

"I've had something no-o-o-odling in the back of my head,"

(like we should all be impressed), I think, "Are you sure it's the back and not the side, you know, where that bulge is?"

Applause

You know when you're at an event and someone performs and the crowd applauds but usually the applause erupts because one brave soul starts the applause?

Yeah, that's usually me. It's like my only talent.

Bugs

I submit that from here on out, bugs have identifiers, so we'll know where they came from and where the rest are hiding -- so we can just get it over with.

You and I

Try saying this when you're stuck next time:

That's why you are you and I am I.

It works. Trust me.

Under the Bus

I can't help but laugh when I hear someone say, "Guess they threw you under the bus" because yeah, it's gruesome but really visual.

Unused Icons

When I get that computer message:

"There are unused icons on your desktop"

I wanna respond with:

"There are unused socks in your drawer!"

Is it BOTHERING THEM that I have unused icons? Like there's a shortage of screen space? I mean, I put it there for a reason AND they ALLOWED it.

Use Me

Someone said:

Use me.
Abuse me.
But never lose me.

Which I thought was cute, except for that abuse part, but the cadence and rhyme...unbeatable.

Planet Dork??

I love this commercial. What's your favorite line?

Let's Just Say

Sometimes when you're verbally trapped, maybe the best thing to say is,

"Look, for the sake of argument, let's just say I'm right"

and then just keep on talking. Most people will follow.

Peace & Love from Ringo?

Ringo, Ringo, Ringo. If you don't want to sign things, just don't. You don't have to turn off the whole world.

http://ringostarr.com/home.php

Besides, who's STILL sending stuff to get autographs??

Getting Up

Sometimes when you're down, maybe the best thing to say is,

"Hey, I'm down. I'm really down."

And quit fighting it. Sometimes fighting being down can be really depressing.

Sneeze It

Why can't a sneeze just all come at once?

Why does it have to cut it into two or three?

You

I just saw your picture and it made me think of you. Not for long, just for a moment, but still.

Knuckle Bug

Why does hearing others crack their knuckles bug?

What bugs you like that?

Showers

So let's just say if you're wondering out loud if you should take a shower or not, take it.

And if it's been awhile, shower with soap. Your choice of fragrance. Just shower, k? (And while you lather, bask in the joy that you're not at a campout anymore.)

Fast Lane

Few things in life are better than "Life in the Fast Lane" by the Eagles magically popping up on your radio, cranking it louder AND actually BEING in the fast lane, freeway-speaking, of course.

It Is What It Is

I've learned that sometimes, the best response is to conclude: "It is what it is."

Favorite TV

It's kinda sad when you're on the road and discover your favorite channel on TV is The Weather Channel.

But the maps in motion. Wow.

Taxi 2

Oops. Today, I shouted for a taxi.

But I didn't yell, "TAXI!" I was racing out of a building, needed to grab a cab, saw one that didn't see me and hollered, "YO!" And, yeah, he stopped.

Taxi!

I've seen hundreds of people hail cabs in New York, and I've never seen anyone actually shout, "TAXI!" except in movies.

Oh, what a tangled web they weave. . .

Flights

So I'm on this five-hour, cross-country flight, and 90 minutes into it, the guy next to me has Flight Breath and he won't stop exhaling.

HOW could he NOT know?? Cookies. Peanuts. Diet Cola -- SOMEthing. Just swallow to dampen the effect. Or nostrils. Just use the nostrils.

What do you DO when you're trapped?

If I Ever

If I ever start treating a pet like a person, you know, like on a daily basis, slap me.

At a Loss

A year ago today, my dad died.

Does the emptiness ever go away?

Makes Me Laugh

Somtimes I say something just to make another person laugh. It started when I said something in kindergarten, others laughed and that tickled my tummy.

When no one laughs, it makes my stomach kinda hurt, but that's where Pepto coats.

Just for a Day

Just for a day, instead of saying, "Okay?" or "Do you agree?" say, "Ya dig?"

But when you say it, say it with confidence, like "Yeah, they're gonna dig" and then let me know, ya dig?

Distance From Dumb

I've always tried to keep my distance from knowing ANYthing about Dumb & Dumber, but more friends keep haunting me with it.

Hard Hitting

It's always interesting when the football coach says, "We told our team it's gonna be a hard-hitting game." 

As if you could ever imagine a coach saying, "Boys, today we're going for a medium-hitting game, so, uh, dial it back a little. We'll do the hard-hitting version next time."

When I Retire

When I retire, I think I'm going to write a series of books centered around the central figure (with glasses) called:

Larry Potter.

Seared in Memory

On the new Seinfeld/Bill Gates TV ad, I'm just not sure I wanna see two old guys' butts with one of them doing a little wiggle.

It's now seared in my brain and I don't think that's fair.

Can't Sleep?

When my kids were young, whenever one of them would walk in our bedroom, wake me and say, "I can't sleep," I'd say, "Maybe it's because your eyes are open."

That logic cured them. And you're welcome.