Gift for Christmas

Maybe one gift people can give this season is to get OUT of the Fast Lane unless they're actually GOING fast.

Novel, no doubt, but thoughtful, to be sure.

Vote Day

I voted.

Duly noted.

Dog

If I had a dog and we were in a deep discussion today, I still think at the end of it all I would probably still say, "Quit whining."

Pop It

Therapy is pricey. Popping bubble wrap is cheap.

Gone All Day

Ever feel like, "I could've gone ALL day without having to see that visual"?

Marie Says Laugh

I heard Marie Osmond said, "If you're going to be able to look back on something & laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now," and she's rich, so . . .

Skinny Good?

Whenever I start getting skinny, my elbow hurts.

Style

I think "in style" is relative, but I think most of my relatives are not in style. I'm just sayin' . . .

Boring

I think if Jonathan Livingston Seagull ever made a comeback, I'd be just as bored the second time.

Lert

New Favorite Quote (which is really an old quote):

Be alert. The world needs more lerts.

Campus Stalker?

Is it just me or does this women look less like she's glad to be at college and more like someone's chasing her across campus?

Why Not

When someone asks, "Why?" and the other person says, "Why not!" isn't that a copout?

They should just say, "I dunno & I'm LAME!" or "I can't think of anything intelligent & MAN you ask good one-word questions!"

Keep it real.

Girls

Girls drop things.

It's irrefutable.

Short Work Week

If it's a short work week, like everyone's saying, why don't we just have short people work it?

Makes sense.

Airline Online

I wish when you reserve an airline seat online, the map would tell you about the people around you--that guy's a jerk, this one's mellow. A talker. Kinda nosey. Whoa, BO to the left.

Stuff like that would help a LOT.

Snort

So say you're laughing hard and you snort mid-laugh. How do you recover?

Not that I've done that, but I have a friend...

TMI?

So if I say it's really hot, and a friend says, "Yeah, I'm sweatin' in six places," is that TMI?

Curls

Sometimes I like to tame my curls.
Sometimes I let them go wild.
That's how I roll.
That's how they roll.

Seat Belts

Seat belts can help even in the rain, my friend.

Dumb Free Offer

Dumbest offer I've seen so far today:
Buy any 2 sets of guitar strings or 1 set of bass strings between May 1, 2009 and July 31, 2009 and get a FREE Elixir® Strings t-shirt! WOW.

You GOTTA Be KIDDIN' ME! A FREE t-shirt that says Elixir strings! CRAZY WILD Stuff!

Hey, how 'bout a free guitar?! Huh?

Punching Hot

Somtimes when I'm in a hot, crowded room and am sweating down both sides of my forehead and someone comes up to me and says, "Hey, you're sweating," I wanna say, "Uh, yeah, I KNOW that, Forrest." And then I wanna punch him.

Is that wrong?

Greatness

I love this quote I just read in Time:

I have always felt destined for greatness. So far, this has been a total bust.

Red & Green

Sometimes when my face fries into a bright red sunburn (like today), I think, "Well, my eyes are green, which complements red, so maybe God wants it that way."

Walking Love Story

Walking from my office to CaliPizzaKitchen is the equivalent of one Taylor Swift rendition of Love Story--3 min. 55 sec. ExACTly.

What's your time?

Cat Sit?

My family is trying to teach our cat to sit. I'm trying to teach our cat to run--run like the wind. (It's a big world. Explore.)

Weight Loss

I just developed a new weight loss program -- Brush Teeth at 7 p.m.

So far, so good.

Why a Pencil?

I don't really see the point in using a pencil.

Until Songs Stop

Sometimes I can't stop until the songs stop.

And with so many on the iPod, iPhone, etc., I fear I'm not going to be stopping for a long time.

Zumba!

I've just been invited to go to a Zumba class when I'm in New York in a few weeks. Should I?

Apple inTune?

Why can't the iPhone make it so when you transfer a new song to it that you really want to hear (which is WHY you bought it), that song will play and play until you're sick of it?

Apple people, time is limited. Help us out here.

Colors

I hate red pens that have black or blue ink.

If you're gonna be red, be red. Show your colors, man.

Radio Friend

Someone on the radio said he was bothered that he had such a hard time making friends, finding friends and keeping friends.

And I was thinking . . . "Maybe it's because you have a lisp."

Our Cat

It's official. Our cat's bipolar. I'm not kidding.

Saw People

Guess who I saw yesterday?

Everybody I looked at.

Big Snow

It snowed next door. Snow came down big.

Lunchtime My Time

Sometimes when I bring my lunch to work, I don't wanna wait 'til lunchtime. Food's there. It's ready. So am I, shoot.

Two

Next time someone says, "Two can play that game," say, "Two should."

Touche.

Fending Off the Cat

It's not that I'm totally proud of this, but I had to put a Restraining Order on my cat. He can't get within 100 feet of me now. . . or else.

All things considered, it's fair.

No Pants Policy Out of Control

Last summer, I came up with a No Pants Policy at work (not that risque; people just had to wear shorts but it sounded cool).

So my brother, who lives NOT in a warm climate, took a picture of himself tyring it in his home state.

Very funny man. And freezing his tail off, but still. Here's his blog.

Wisdom, Patience

May we all have the same wisdom and patience.