Monday, June 30, 2008


I just got back from a concert and I'm constantly amazed at how many girls, who seem normal, like Country music.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

America, Land of Freedom and Ice

Why does Europe have an aversion to ice in sodas? Is it a health thing? A scarcity thing? Something environmental? Elitist?

When I asked for ice in a diet soda on a British train after 6 days away from the Mother Land and was told, "Oh, it's cold enough," I laughed. Just GIVE me the ICE.

Even the Marriott Hotel ice machine felt like I was draining it of a year's supply when my ice bucket was only a third full. 

Tell me, what IS it with them and ice?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


When people say, "Easier said than done," uh, isn't EVERYthing easier said than done?

Monday, June 23, 2008

Who Knew?

Note to self: Nasal spray is not eye drop solution and can burn, even in the dark, even at 3:42 a.m., even when birds need to move two blocks south to chirp.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Good Fortune?

Why do we inSIST on the freshest food at restaurants but GLADLY munch down stale fortune cookies at Chinese restaurants?

Are we that...whatever you call it when we cram stale stuff in our mouths kinda people?

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Shake It

The Today Show's Matt Lauer talks about not liking to shake hands with others because of germs.

And then others talk about being germaphobes and not liking to touch door knobs or walk barefoot on floors and stuff.

I know we have to be smart about things, but isn't that why we have SKIN? I mean, otherwise, you know. . .

Saturday, June 14, 2008


Wouldn't you agree it's time to retire the word "lanyard" (why torture ourselves?) and freshen it up with something like lanni or lannie or lanny?

Lanyard? Barnyard.
Lanni. Hey Danny. Uncanny. Whoa Granny. Who's your nanny? Pakistani? Nice tan E.

Friday, June 13, 2008

After the Name, It's Downhill

Somtimes I've learned the best part of Mahi Mahi . . . is the name.

Thursday, June 12, 2008


In school, I couldn't stop laughing when I saw someone trip and fall.

But I guess I wasn't thinking about the pain to their kneecap.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


Everybody probably likes their hometown (one reason they live there) until they get a speeding ticket from a cop (who also lives there and is supposed to be a friend to a fellow same-town-liver-person).

Then it's a pretty sucky place to be.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Just Asking . . .

Can we just eliminate the word "towards" altogether?

I mean, is there ANY place where "toward" wouldn't work just as well? 'Cept, maybe on a farm?

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Work With Me

So when I say, "Just a minute" and the other person says, "Minute's UP!" I think, "Hey, I'm the one who says when the minute starts."

Don't you agree?

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Japanese Cheese

So I was in Liverpool this week for a Paul McCartney thing with my old college buddy and he bumps into some Japanese visitors at a gift shop and introduces them to me. Because I speak the language, all of sudden, these guys think I’m their best friend. And they’re very polite and accommodating (how could you not like friendly Japanese people?). But they want to tag along with us, and we didn’t really want that obligation, so we part ways for the day. Later that night, we see them in another part of Liverpool by the Cavern, where the Beatles played 292 times. And our Japanese friends think it must be fate that we meet again, so they want to get pictures with us (like we’re some stars but we’re, you know, NOT).

I’m really not very interested in taking pictures with them because 1. I just met them a few hours earlier, and 2. (and this is the important part) I’m NEVER gonna see them again. Still, we oblige (to soothe international relations) BUT when I stand with the first Japanese guy and I put my elbow on his shoulder like we’re best buds, he puts his arm around me, but because of the height difference (6 foot 5 to his whatever), his hand goes right on my butt, my tush, my right cheek! YIKES. And he leaves it there as he smiles big for the camera (again, like we’re lifelong friends). AWKWARD.

What do you DO in times like that? Slouch? Roll out aWAY from the hand? Fake a coughing fit? I was blank AND shocked. But I made it through (scarred but breathing). Just then, the second Japanese friend comes out of the store and wants a picture with me, so now I’m standing between these two “best friends I ever had from Japan” and the first guy does it again – same cheek! My picture taking brother is laughing so hard, he can’t keep the camera still, which ONLY prolongs the ordeal. Take it. Take it. TAKE IT.

If you know how to break out of those situations, please, do tell. I have a gift from Liverpool for the best answer. (No, not the Japanese man unless, you know.)

Monday, June 2, 2008

Mouth to Ear Connection

I'm thinking that if MOST people eat on their right side, are those the SAME people who put the phone up to their left ear? (See polls.)

And for those who chew all OVER their mouth, does that require more time flossing, because it's, you know, not contained, the food?