So here's my theory. In most conversations, you can identify if a person is in Column A (which means Yes) or Column B (No).
For example, if the guy asks, "Would you like to go to dinner this weekend?" and she says, "Oh, this weekend? Um, this is a busy weekend for me" then you could safely assume she's giving a Column B answer but she doesn't want to come out directly with a No because that would be too rude. But if she says, "That sounds fun" then, obviously, it's a Column A answer.
I think people talk this way because it's sometimes hard to come right out and say "Yes" or "No, thank you." Sometimes it feels too direct or hurtful, so people say other things around that, but what they're saying still lines up with their core feelings about wanting to do something or not.
Ever since I've started listening for which column responses land in, it has been FASCINATING to hear what people are really saying. In fact, it's made a huge difference in understanding others' real intents. Sometimes I get it wrong, but this approach greatly minimizes the misreads. And it helps me respect another's position more readily instead of trying and trying and trying to persuade them to my point of view. Honestly, it comes down to an understanding and respect thing.
Column A or Column B. Let me know if it works for you.
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8 comments:
Great concept! If only it really worked...
Kidding, it's surprising how effective it is. Nice discovery!
Love the concept. I use it in delicate situations. It's actually a really useful dating tool. Much like your example. Although, I would argue in that particular case if the girl said "That's sound fun" (aka "that IS sound fun") I don't know if you could really trust the A, B concept. I mean, how can you judge someone with AB when they CLEARLY have problems with gramatic structure?
Great points, Val. But on the grammar thing, huh? I see no error to my eyes of which I have for this I say for you I read the word today.
no butt that a little friendly edit can't save :)
I agree with your theory, however, I have found that as hard as it is to just say "Yes" or "No", It is definitely the way to go.
Often times we think we need to give a reason as to why we can or can not do something. But, I have learned we don't. A simple "Yes" or "No" is all you really need.
I would actually prefer if people were more direct.
Jesi, You have a LOT of strength because you're able to be so direct while being polite. And you're right, it WOULD be great if more people would just say Yes or No.
I constantly try to help friends not feel obligated to give reasons behind their answers; their answers should suffice. And those around them shouldn't HAVE to probe. Perhaps just allowing others to feel the way they want to feel shows the heart of respect.
One person explained all people should really have to say is something like, "I'm doing this (or not) because I WANT TO." End of explanation. To me, that's brilliant on a couple of levels.
I'm going to venture to say you've misinterpreted a few of my responses.
You been jiving me? Yankin? Toyin with the mind? I think I figured out pretty much everything you've been saying, 'cept for all that stuff after WW-2, the war to end all wars.
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